Dealing with a loss. missed miscarriage

Okay, it has been quite a while since I've been here but I think I'm back to stay. Reading my last blog, fuck, I have come a LONG way since then. I apparently "let it peril" with my last relationship. I had no idea what the hell I was talking about LOL I'm with a different person now, planning my wedding and trying for baby #2. Wow! How do you do all that with a baby? You ask? I don't. I had a missed miscarriage and a D&C in May of this year. Worst fucking thing to ever happen in my life. In 5 months, I have become VERY familiar with what a cervix is, how it works, what its job is and the thousands of TTC terms. See! There is one right there. I'm a pretty bitter person now-a-days, but have your child sucked and scraped out of you and see if you're the same person afterwards...betcha won't be. Anyway, our journey to Pregnancy #2 Baby #1 has been a long one. I've had an array of blood tests done and found that I've got MTHFR (ill let you Google that) and a few other blood clotting disorders. I guess I was lucky that I didn't get the whole "its just bad luck" spiel but I'd rather be 8 months pregnant than be told I have more shit wrong with me. Also sucks watching our friends pregnancy progress while ours terminated. Oh! Did I forget to mention that!? Here's the story.. My Last Menstrual Period when I got pregnant was February 21. Hers, February 22. Soooo, yeah we definitely got pregnant at the same time. She's about to pop with a baby girl and here I am. Flat as a board, empty and alone. Don't get me wrong, I envy this girl. It's turned to hatred and bitterness, but can anyone really blame me? She wanted all the glory from the get go, now she's got it. Anyway, getting over losing the baby was rough, maybe we are insane, but we decided it was a girl, named her Evangeline and made a memory box with her only living sonogram dvd and pictures. Funny how this box is nearly full and she was only alive 9 weeks. It has made it easier than obsessing over what the sex of the baby might have been or what it might have looked like. As far as I'm concerned, she's my baby girl, and she looks like a little bean with the most beautiful heartbeat I've ever heard. Daddy still has a hard time. 200lbs of man still drops to the floor in buckets of tears when something reminds him of her. I honestly think its been harder on him than me somehow. So far, I've had 17 blood tests done. I've still got 2 more to go and he needs to get his karyotype done. 6 months later almost and we are still dealing with this miscarriage bullshit, when will it be over with!? I'm on a daily baby aspirin regimen along with folic acid now. "In the case of pregnancy, pop pills HERE" that's absolutely what I feel like. This shit has taken all the fun, excitement and joy out of getting pregnant and replaced it with anxiety, fear and worry. I know I shouldn't wallow in self pity. I know I'm not the only one to have a miscarriage. But still, this shit sucks. So bad. And I'm sure to the woman who has lost one or more of her own, this is an interesting read. Maybe we should be warned that a miscarriage lasts a lifetime. Rather than be told, "time heals all wounds". Not this wound. I know you can say the same.